Doctor GrubHub

How much time is spent in a room, spine bent in attentive position, reading, writing, and unbending to sleep? Or what do you make of the things on your daily to-do list, written in earnestness, but failed from procrastination? What drama pervades everyday life more exciting than an unexpected e-mail, unveiling new possibilities - "now I must respond decisively, proving my worth." Much daily work is performed in a hip-flexed posture, sitting stationary but restless. Exercise is scrawled on the to-do list but gets passed over for the comfort of bed - an easygoing old friend - and a movie or two. Every few seconds to minutes, a notification pops up, and the attention wanders: GrubHub - More blocks available for Today. Piqued, I think: "Why not? I'll go for a ride." Two orders in, 13 dollars and 25 dollars (good), another comes up for 13. I accept. On closer inspection, it's actually split into two orders from one place, an ice cream shop. In examini...

As a child wandering the globe, I brought along a healthy dose of Soviet skepticism. Upon exiting Russia and arriving in the UK at London's Heathrow Airport, I looked around at the Brits and asked "What are all these foreigners doing here?" My parents laughed, finding it 'cute.' In order to acclimate, I read various books handed to me by my parents, and first among these was a general encyclopedia, written in English, of course. Daily I scanned numerous entries with an insatiable drive to understand, while at school the only words I dared utter to my young British peers were "let's go play" (It was the first grade, with plenty of recess built into the curriculum). Unbeknownst to me or my peers, an intricate set of neural processes allowing accelerated learning and memory formation were underway in my ripening 7 year-old brain, and they were made possible by an ancient, highly-evolved need to survive. During sleep, I was terrorized by the recur...

 I am a cheesecake. Or rather, I have become one. Of course, I'm not actually a cheesecake, but my organ systems are now thoroughly suffused in cheesecake. For the last 6 weeks, I have been on what can only be labeled a 'cheesecake diet.' Let me describe it in further detail, for those interested in trying it themselves (don't). Before I do, I will note that my body weight has remained stably at ~190# despite a change in my overall intake from 'healthy' to 'dessert-based.' At 6'1", this amounts to a body mass index (BMI) of 25.2, shyly breeching into the 'overweight' category. I'm slighly uncertain about this designation. Should I feel insecure? Of course, BMI does not distinguish lean from fat mass, but let's stay on task. Here's the diet: 1. Morning Coffee (!) with milk and 2 sugars, 16-24 ounces; total caffeine content ~250mg Dannon Greek Yogurt * 1 (80 kcal)  2. Afternoon Small piece of chicken Small salad, no d...

I left my dream residency a few years ago in ill health, and I did not, for the life of me, want to be a patient. So I procrastinated on seeking treatment. I had become used to being a physician who diligently and compassionately tended to the needs of his patients, but I did not initially have the guts to carry out what was necessary when my role was reversed to that of a patient. Away from Surgery, my life lacked purpose, and an abiding darkness shrouded my days. The cruelty of life is the free choice we are given, as it can be harnessed responsibly for good or frittered wastefully into emptiness. The emptiness of my existence built on itself and eroded who I once was – physician, son, brother, athletics enthusiast, and so on. Nothing mattered anymore as I progressed into a learned helplessness. To pick up this laptop and write would have been a colossal undertaking. Sometimes, I would go for a 5-mile run, perform 60 meter sprints at the local track, or lift weights a...