Doctor GrubHub

Hospitals with residency programs tend to be large, and residents are usually instructed to park in the most far-flung, inconvenient lots, so I have been walking a lot lately; 15,000 steps per day, on average. I am still getting used to the layout of the place, so I'll often walk in one direction for a bit, only to realize that I'm going the wrong way. So I turn around, and my Garmin logs the extra steps. The pager, once just an inanimate object, without feelings, has become a serial harasser. I've daydreamed about filing a restraining order against it at the local court. Every time it shrieks, the strident sound tears at the middle of my chest - a deep, unquenchable affliction - and I recoil in trepidation at what the ensuing phone call might bring my way. More consults. I have yet to start the previous one. Busywork piles on. I become nauseous, beaten down, resigned to the heavy burden of constant rushing. When the day's work ends, there is no satisfying completi...

As a child wandering the globe, I brought along a healthy dose of Soviet skepticism. Upon exiting Russia and arriving in the UK at London's Heathrow Airport, I looked around at the Brits and asked "What are all these foreigners doing here?" My parents laughed, finding it 'cute.' In order to acclimate, I read various books handed to me by my parents, and first among these was a general encyclopedia, written in English, of course. Daily I scanned numerous entries with an insatiable drive to understand, while at school the only words I dared utter to my young British peers were "let's go play" (It was the first grade, with plenty of recess built into the curriculum). Unbeknownst to me or my peers, an intricate set of neural processes allowing accelerated learning and memory formation were underway in my ripening 7 year-old brain, and they were made possible by an ancient, highly-evolved need to survive. During sleep, I was terrorized by the recur...

 I am a cheesecake. Or rather, I have become one. Of course, I'm not actually a cheesecake, but my organ systems are now thoroughly suffused in cheesecake. For the last 6 weeks, I have been on what can only be labeled a 'cheesecake diet.' Let me describe it in further detail, for those interested in trying it themselves (don't). Before I do, I will note that my body weight has remained stably at ~190# despite a change in my overall intake from 'healthy' to 'dessert-based.' At 6'1", this amounts to a body mass index (BMI) of 25.2, shyly breeching into the 'overweight' category. I'm slighly uncertain about this designation. Should I feel insecure? Of course, BMI does not distinguish lean from fat mass, but let's stay on task. Here's the diet: 1. Morning Coffee (!) with milk and 2 sugars, 16-24 ounces; total caffeine content ~250mg Dannon Greek Yogurt * 1 (80 kcal)  2. Afternoon Small piece of chicken Small salad, no d...

Sometimes I drive around with the GrubHub app on and feel the urge to snap a few pictures of the scenery. I roam the city wide with the radio scratching its mystical fuzz as I scan the stations according to mood. Mine is an older car, without satellite radio or bluetooth connectivity, so the choices consist of AM and FM. I could play a cassette if so inclined; or set it to a hollow white noise synced to the electroencephalographic-equivalent beta waves of my unsettled brain. I’m being presumptuous: often while driving my brain activity, like tranquil beach waves coming and going, rests at a rhythmic, relaxing alpha pattern. And so it goes on, until I find NPR.  NPR can be a hit-or-miss. I enjoy their interviews and shows like This American Life, Radiolab, or the Moth Radio Hour. But when they cover controversial political issues, I recede into my shell like a startled turtle. Mostly, I eschew political coverage from any source, as it tends to bitterly divide people a...